EGB Apocrypha: Witchy Woman
by EGB Fan
Summary: Witchy Woman rewritten as a twopart episode, now a little more like how a finale ought to be.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **_Extreme Ghosbusters _based on the original motion picture _Ghostbusters_ by Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis. Approximately 50 percent of the material in this story is lifted directly from the episode "Witchy Woman", written by Robin Bernheim (the vast majority of Bernheim's material appears in Part 1).

_Extreme Ghostbusters Apocrypha: _**Witchy Woman**

Part 1

A plain, red-haired girl in a dowdy grey dress carried a loaded tray across the length of the coffee house. When she reached a particular table she held the tray against her hip with one hand, using the other to place a cup of coffee in front of her customer.

"There you go, Chip," said the girl, Bess, smiling awkwardly at the beefy blond teenager. "One deluxe iced mocha. And a biscotti," she added timidly, laying the said biscotti in front of him. "Compliments of the house. Well… compliments of me, actually."

"Thanks… I guess," said Chip, watching with distaste as the girl's cheeks coloured.

"This seat taken?"

A beautiful black girl with long, flowing hair pushed her way past Bess, knocking her tray to the ground. Aghast, Bess stared down at the mess on the floor for a moment; then she stooped down and began to sweep fragments of broken china onto the tray.

"Can I help you?" the pretty girl asked sarcastically, catching Bess' eye as she rose to her feet. Then, smiling nastily, she added, "Troll."

Bess gasped, going even more vividly red, then turned and hurried over to the bar where her two friends were waiting for her.

"Could she _be_ any more conceited?" Wanda, a short-haired blonde, said distastefully.

"What does he see in her, anyway?" added the third girl, Celine, curling her lilac-painted lip with disdain.

Bess, choking out an ironic laugh, said, "Aside from the fact that she's absolutely gorgeous?"

Bess clearly felt humiliated, but Wanda seemed to find some amusement in the situation. She leaned on the bar and laughed sinisterly to herself, her eyes narrowing maliciously on Chip and his absolutely gorgeous date.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The girl turned in the doorway and smiled seductively at Chip.

"So," she said. "Tomorrow night, then?"

"I'll, uh, swing by at seven," Chip said smoothly.

They kissed, both mumbling their appreciation into each other's lips, unaware that they were being watched from the side of the apartment building.

"Open the circle," said Wanda.

Celine and Wanda joined hands. Bess looked hesitant, but only for a moment, and then took the hands of her two friends. They all closed their eyes and lifted their chins.

"Great Surnunos," said Wanda, "wherever you be, impart your spirit down to me."

There was a rush of wind; dark clouds gathered directly above their heads, and from these emanated the form of a large bearded man.

"What can I do for you ladies?" he asked politely.

"There is one who deserves to be punished," said Wanda.

"Let me guess," said Surnunos, in the tones of one who has had the same conversation a tedious number of times before. "You need the power to serve up a little… justice?"

Without waiting for a reply, he gathered up a handful of bright lightning from his own personal clouds and directed it at Bess, Wanda and Celine. The trio glowed as the power washed over them, and then Wanda placed her hand against the wall.

"Let the punishment fit the crime," she intoned.

Again, Bess looked hesitant, but only for a moment. She then mirrored Wanda's action, and the power was sent up the drainpipe towards the pretty girl's apartment.

The girl, meanwhile, was grooming herself in the bathroom. She filled the basin with water, smiled appreciatively at her own face in the mirror, and then began to splash water over it. Then suddenly she stopped, her hands feeling some difference in her features. When she looked up, she saw in the mirror the face of a hideous troll. She stared for several lingering seconds, unable to believe her eyes. Then, when her reflection failed to change back to the one she was used to, she let out a shrill scream.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Ah, this is very bad." Egon Spengler was looking around at the dirty dishes that overflowed from the sink, spilling out to various parts of the kitchen. "Whose turn is it to clean up in here?"

Garrett Miller wheeled his way into the room, waving a piece of paper around, and said, "According to the schedule, it's Kylie's turn."

"No way," said Kylie Griffin, who evidently had overheard the conversation from the next room, where she was sitting at the table surrounded by open books. "I got a major term paper due tomorrow." As Garrett wheeled his way into the room she snatched the schedule from him and said, "I traded with Roland, see?"

"But I," said Roland Jackson, appearing at her shoulder as if from nowhere, "traded with Eduardo."

At these words Eduardo Rivera wandered into the room and, apparently having somehow picked up most of the conversation, said, "I've got the same class as Kylie: babes in books."

"That's women in literature," Kylie said irritably.

"A class about babes, and I get three credits," said Eduardo. "Does this rule or what?"

"It's a class about literature," said Kylie. "And you only get three credits if you do the work. Have you even started yet?"

"Well, no, not really," said Eduardo.

"Eduardo, it's due tomorrow!"

"Yeah, well… _you_ only just started."

"Yeah, I know, and I'm paying for it now," said Kylie, turning her attention back to her books. "Thank goodness I don't have to clean up the kitchen."

"It's all yours, Eduardo," added Roland.

Eduardo turned to face him. "Weren't you listening? Term paper. I gotta be in the library all night." He then turned back to Kylie, stooped to her level and said furtively, "Where is the library, anyway?"

Kylie gave him a withering look. "Eduardo, I _know_ you're not as stupid as you pretend to be. If you'd just put in some effort…"

"Nevertheless," said Egon, "your name is still on the schedule. Save me a few mould samples, if you would," he added, handing Eduardo a Petri dish.

Eduardo looked about to protest, but was saved the trouble when Janine Melnitz came in and said to Egon, "Sorry to interrupt the powwow, chief, but we just got a call: there's been a level five manifestation on campus."

Eduardo looked faintly smug as he said, "Sorry, Egon, duty calls," and took off with the other three younger Ghostbusters.

"Who's going to clean the kitchen?" Egon demanded.

As if one cue, Slimer flew in babbling something that sounded like, "I'll do it!" He picked up one of the dishes in the sink, and began to lick it clean with great sweeps of his oversized tongue.

"Crude," said Egon, "yet effective."

"I hope you don't think _I'm_ eating off those," Janine said dryly.

"Of course not," said Egon. "It's a start, but I'll make sure Eduardo gets around to washing them properly later. In the meantime, you and I had better go out for lunch."

Janine smiled coyly. "Are you asking me out on _another_ date, Dr. Spengler?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The Ecto-1 pulled up outside the apartment block at which Chip had earlier dropped off his narcissistic date, and the four Ghostbusters piled out onto the street.

"Subject's name is Tina Bell," announced Roland, apparently somehow having learnt this information since leaving the firehouse.

Eduardo started. The name clearly meant something to him. "As in, Tina Bell: homecoming queen, head cheerleader _and_ world class A, number one babe?"

"Ok," said Garrett, "now try saying it without slobbering."

"Yeah, put your tongue away," added Kylie, sounding faintly put out. "Y'know, girls like her are a dime a dozen."

"I'll bet pretty ain't _all_ she is," Eduardo said tartly. "I know her type _real_ well. My sensitive side drives them wild."

"Hm," Kylie said shortly. "I must be immune."

"You're not her type," retorted Eduardo.

"You mean I'm not vain and shallow and selfish? I should darn well hope I - "

"Guys," Roland said soothingly.

Eduardo squared his shoulders, stepped away from Kylie and went to knock on the door.

"Who is it?" a female voice asked timidly from the other side.

Eduardo cut a glance over his shoulder at Kylie, and then said loudly, "It's your knight in shining…"

The door inched open, and Eduardo found himself staring into the face of a hideous troll.

"Ar…mour," he finished weakly.

"Come in," said Tina, her voice choked with unshed tears. "Thank you for getting here so quickly."

"No problem, Tina. Now, where did this happen?" asked Kylie.

"The bathroom," said Tina. "I'll show you where it is."

She led the four Ghostbusters through to the bathroom, Eduardo now lagging behind. Kylie waited for him to catch up with her, and then said, "You're no longer interested in finding out if there's more to her, then."

"Jackpot!" exclaimed Garrett, once he was through the bathroom door.

Kylie broke away from Eduardo and followed him in, looking down at the PKE meter in her hand.

"This place is crawling with ecto!" she said.

Roland wandered over to the basin and, noticing that it was still filled with water (Janine had probably told Tina not to touch anything), whipped out a test tube and dunked it in.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Wanda, Celine and Bess were sitting cross-legged in a circle, on the wooden floor of an attic room. Their ghostly friend, Surnunos, was hovering over them once again.

"You promised to make us the most popular girls on campus," pouted Wanda. "What's taking so long?"

"Dear heart," Surnunos said gently, "I told you you'd need a fourth believer. Earth, wind, air and fire; north, south, east and west; John, Paul, George and Ringo. Is this gelling for you?"

"Chill, ok?" Celine said irritably. "We get it already."

"I'm only trying to please," said Surnunos. "Remember: the more power _I _have, the more power _you_ have."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Eurgh." Eduardo shuddered as he walked through the campus library with Kylie. "This place gives me the creeps."

Kylie raised her eyebrows. "Too dank and spooky?"

"Too many books."

She shot him an irritable look as they approached an empty table. "You want my help or not?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure." Eduardo sat down, leaned back in the chair and lifted his feet onto the table. "So, who are you writing about?"

"The witches in _Macbeth_," said Kylie, pulling a book from one of the shelves and showing it to him.

"Mm, more weird chicks," said Eduardo. "Figures. You would have been in trouble if that book had been checked out, wouldn't you? And you're hard on _me_ for not being more organised."

"Yeah, well, I've been distracted," mumbled Kylie, sitting down opposite him.

He raised his eyebrows. "Yeah? With what?"

"Never mind." She sat down, pushing Eduardo's feet off the table as she did so. "Now about these witches. Their powers are arcane, and unknowable. They symbolise the uncontrollable forces controlling Macbeth's fortunes - _and_ his fate."

Kylie prattled on about the symbolism in _Macbeth_, unaware that three pairs of eyes were watching her from behind a backless bookcase.

"I think we've found our fourth," said Wanda.

"Are you sure?" Bess asked dubiously.

"She understands the power of witches," said Celine. "And she even dresses right."

Eduardo wandered over to Kylie's side of the table and stooped, peering over her shoulder at the book. "Erm… does this Macbeth dude have a sister I could write about?"

"Eduardo!" exclaimed Kylie. "When you got your place on this course, somebody else missed out on it - somebody who actually _wanted_ to learn. If you _really_ don't care about your education, then I don't see why I should - "

"Excuse me," said Wanda, and Kylie looked up in surprise. "We were looking for the section on… demonology?"

"Two rows down," Kylie said dismissively.

Eduardo cut Kylie a quick glance and then rose to his full height, making his way over to Wanda.

"Allow me," he said smoothly. "We have a very extensive selection."

"_Macbeth_," observed Wanda, sweeping past Eduardo to approach Kylie, while her two friends hung behind. "Cool."

Kylie looked up. "It's my single favourite play."

"Yeah," Eduardo cut in. "How about those witches? Are they symbolic or what?"

"I'm Wanda," Wanda told Kylie. Then, gesturing to her two friends, she added, "This is Celine, and Bess."

"Kylie," said Kylie.

"And I," Eduardo said grandly, "am Eduardo."

"Listen," said Wanda, still looking at Kylie, "we were gonna check out this new occult bookshop. Wanna come?"

"Sorry," said Kylie, sounding genuinely rueful. "I got a paper."

"If not now," Wanda said, her voice heavy with suggestion, "soon."

She walked away, with Celine and Bess trailing her like two obedient dogs.

"Hey!" Eduardo called, and began to follow them. "Er - I'm free!"

Wanda let Celine and Bess go ahead of her through the door, and then went through herself. Eduardo caught them up just in time to have the door slammed in his face.

"Heh-heh, oh yeah," he said, half to Kylie and half to himself. "She digs me."

Kylie scowled at him. "You think so, do you?"

"Well, I - "

"Get back over here, Eduardo. Why did you tell them you were free? You're with me. Uh, I mean… you have to write this paper. You'll fail the class if you don't get it done."

"Why do you even care?" asked Eduardo.

"Because," said Kylie, "you asked for my help, and I don't appreciate being dropped like a hot potato when I'm right in the middle of giving it to you! My, um, help, that is," she added awkwardly.

Eduardo blinked. "I'm sorry, Kylie."

"Go pick a book," Kylie said shortly, "preferably one you've _read_ - if such a thing exists - and we'll talk about the women in it."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eduardo and Kylie both looked a little bleary-eyed the next morning as they stood, with Garrett and Roland, watching Egon's computer screen over his shoulder.

"I ran a complete spectral analysis on the ecto matter you found," Egon was saying. "The residual energy indicates a trans-dimensional molecular destabilising element, consistent with metamorphological realignment."

With Eduardo apparently too tired to speak, Garrett said dryly, "_In Inglés, por favor_?"

Kylie answered by stating the obvious: "Whatever did this can turn a homecoming queen into a troll."

"Note these irregularities in the frequency," Egon went on, gesturing at the diagrams on-screen. "This suggests an indirect source. The ecto energy must have passed through something else before it reached its victim. But who could be controlling it, and why?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

A slow-moving football game was in progress on one of the campus playing fields. There were no spectators in the stands, but two underneath them, watching the action from between the gaps in the seats. Bess stood nearby, but refused to look at the game.

"He is _such_ a fox," said Celine, watching Chip as he ran across the field.

Bess sighed. "Would you guys give it a rest already? He's not interested in me."

Wanda turned round. "With Tina out of the way," she said, grabbing Bess' shoulders, "he's food on the table."

"But…" Bess gasped as Wanda pushed her forcibly towards the football field. "What will I say?"

Before she knew quite what was happening, Bess found herself standing outside the locker room and hailing Chip as he approached.

"Hi, Chip," she said awkwardly. "Remember me?"

"Oh, right," said Chip, looking down at her with some disdain. "The, uh, biscotti fairy."

Bess laughed nervously. "I-I'm in your chemistry class too. I thought maybe, uh, we could, er - "

"What?" Chip said nastily. "Tina's out of town five minutes and suddenly every twig comes falling out of the trees?"

He turned his back on her and disappeared into the locker room. Her eyes shining with unshed tears, Bess fled back underneath the spectator stands.

"Who does he think he is?" fumed Celine.

"Look," said Bess, "let's not do anything rash."

"Open the circle," said Wanda.

Bess looked reluctant, but Wanda's tone broached no argument. The trio joined hands, and within moments Surnunos was floating above them.

"Ahh… what is it now?" he asked irritably.

Wanda scowled. "You work for _us_, remember?"

"If I may remind you…" said Surnunos.

"Yeah, yeah, you're gonna give us powers beyond our wildest dreams," said Wanda. "But only if we find a fourth believer."

"Well said," said Surnunos. "And she would be…?"

"I told you, we're working on it," snapped Wanda. "In the meantime - did you see what that conceited jerk did? He called Bess a twig."

Without any further argument, Surnunos gave them his power and promptly vanished.

"Let the punishment fit the crime," said Wanda.

As the trio glowed with the power of Surnunos, Chip walked out onto the football field, looking no different in spite of having spent the past few minutes in the locker room. The three witches opened their eyes, and watched as Chip began to transform.

"Cool," said Celine, a smile playing on the corners of her mouth.

Chip's legs had started to sprout roots, and were fixing themselves to the football field. Celine and Wanda grinned, and Bess gaped in horror, as his whole body began to metamorphose into the form of a tree. He screamed until his voice was lost to him and his terrified face became etched into the tree, no longer human but just a disconcerting variation of colours in the bark.

"And this," said Wanda, smiling malevolently, "is only the beginning."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Kylie sat in the lecture hall beside Eduardo, who was seriously considering falling asleep.

"Before we start I'd like to collect your term papers," droned the lecturer standing at the front of the room.

Suddenly a beeping sound started up, rousing Eduardo from the early stages of sleep.

"Wha-?" he exclaimed, sitting up suddenly.

"Would you mind shutting off that beeper, please?" the lecturer said irritably.

Kylie picked up her shoulder bag, fumbled around inside and eventually pulled out a very excited PKE meter.

"Something around here is red hot," she said, getting to her feet. "We gotta book."

"Do you have to carry that thing around everywhere?" Eduardo asked irritably.

Kylie grabbed him by the cuff of his jacket and pulled him to his feet.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eduardo soon found himself following Kylie into the men's locker room.

"Kylie, what are you doing?" he exclaimed, mortified, as she charged through a fair few protesting semi-naked men.

"Coming through, Ghostbusters," said Kylie, keeping her eyes on her humming PKE meter, with Eduardo on her heels.

"Hey!" A loud, stereotypically overweight sports coach of some kind stepped into their path. "Women aren't allowed in here!"

"It's ok," faltered Eduardo. "She's not really a woman."

"I want her outta here!" roared the coach.

Fortunately, Kylie turned at that point and began heading back towards the exit.

"Nice chatting with you," Eduardo said to the coach, and made to follow her. "Hey, Kylie. How mad would you be at me if I burst into the women's locker room like that?"

"I'm trailing a paranormal entity," Kylie said shortly.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Look, I'm sorry, ok? Come on - we have to follow this trail."

The trail quickly took them out to the football field, where Wanda, Bess and Celine still happened to be behind the stands. They watched in mild astonishment as Kylie and Eduardo walked past, heading towards the tree that had once been Chip.

"We're onto something," said Kylie.

"Like expulsion, maybe?" retorted Eduardo.

"What's she doing here?" whispered Bess.

At that point the Ecto-1 turned up, and screeched to a halt on the edge of the football field. Fortunately, nobody came over to object.

"We got your signal," said Roland, as he and Garrett piled out of the car. "What have you found?"

Eduardo blinked. "What sig-?"

"An ecto trail," said Kylie. "The readings are the same as Tina the troll's."

"Kylie's a Ghostbuster?" murmured Celine, from her position behind the stands.

"I told you we should leave her alone," Bess lamented.

Wanda looked at her sharply. "Are you kidding? She's perfect. She's gotta be a true believer."

"Guys!" Garrett called his three colleagues over to the tree in the middle of the field, which they had all rather cleverly failed to notice until that point. "I think I've found something. Unless of course the school has a new philosophy on gardening."

Roland noticed something wedged between the roots of the tree and, stooping down to retrieve it, he plucked out a red hardback book. He then opened it to the inside cover and read aloud the somewhat unimaginative dedication, " 'Property of Chip Hanson'."

Kylie took a PKE reading of the tree, watched closely by Garrett, who said, "So's this."

"Hey, Kylie." Wanda approached, followed again by Celine and Bess. "What's going on?"

"You'd better stay back," said Kylie. "We're investigating an ectoplasmic phenomenon."

"Oh," Wanda said disinterestedly. "You should come by the Star Bright coffee house sometime and tell me more about it."

"_I_," said Eduardo, leaning casually against the tree just behind him, "would love to."

"You, Mr. Smooth," said Garrett. "Mind not leaning on the victim?"

"Huh?" Eduardo moved quickly away from the tree.

"Oh," said Wanda, "almost forgot - there's a frat party tonight," and she handed Kylie a flyer advertising the specified event.

"I'm free," Eduardo jumped in.

Celine scowled at him. "Who asked?"

"Thanks," said Kylie, "but I'm on assignment."

"Well then drop by the coffee house later," said Wanda. "We're doing a late shift after the party."

She and her friends then sloped off, leaving the four Ghostbusters to their tree problem.

"Do you still think she digs you?" asked Kylie, looking at Eduardo.

"Do you care?" he retorted.

Kylie shrugged wordlessly, and returned her attention to her PKE meter.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Once the team was back at the firehouse, Egon was eager to look at the sample of sap they had brought him from Chip. He spent some time examining it under a microscope, and then punched some data into his computer.

"Here's the analysis of the ectoplasmic residue from Chip," he told Roland and Garrett, indicating the diagram on his computer screen. "And here's the spectral analysis from Tina."

"Same reading," said Roland. "Same ghost."

"So why's it picking on college kids?" asked Garrett.

Egon looked thoughtful. "Hmm…"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eduardo, meanwhile, had decided to stay downstairs, and was sitting at the reception desk airing his problems while Janine busied herself with a filing cabinet behind him.

"And she's a total fox," Eduardo was saying. "She doesn't even know I'm alive."

Janine picked up another file and sighed heavily. "Believe me, I know it's hard. Day after day, you try and try, and get nothing back" - she slammed the file drawer shut, not noticing that Slimer was nosing around in it - "but, you have to hang in there, even if your insides feel like they've been" - she tore a reasonably thick file of papers clean in half - "_ripped_ to threads."

Slimer crawled free of the file drawer, groaning and looking dazed.

"So," said Janine, tearing the papers into increasingly smaller pieces, "even if it takes twelve whole years, the best twelve years of a woman's life, in the end it'll all be worth it."

She finished tearing up the file, took a deep breath, and then noticed that Eduardo was staring at her in amazement. After a few seconds had elapsed he stood up and said, "I think I'm gonna take a walk now."

Slimer nodded his agreement, and zoomed off in a random direction, but Janine grabbed Eduardo's sleeve before he could go.

"Eduardo, wait," she said. "I'm sorry. Look… are you sure it's this Wanda you're _really_ telling me about?"

Eduardo scowled slightly. "Of course it is."

"Well it sounds to me like she's not a very nice person."

"Yeah, well… there's probably more to her than meets the eye."

"Look," said Janine, "if you're trying to make someone jealous…"

"Janine!"

"I don't think it'll work. She's just some pretty girl who caught your eye - so what?"

"Janine," said Eduardo. "I can't wait around forever. And she's… I like her."

Janine raised her eyebrows. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, well, I guess you're young - there's plenty of time to change your mind. So go get her, if that's _really_ what you think you want."

At last, she let go of his sleeve. Eduardo hesitated a moment, and then headed for the exit.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Kylie had evidently gone off to do a little research of her own. She now entered Egon's lab, holding an open book in her hands, and said, "I got a lead on our perp. I think it's this being called Surnunos. First off, he needs a human conduit to channel his energy. Someone's gotta actually summon him."

"Fascinating," said Egon. "That would account for the indirect ecto source."

"And then," said Kylie, "there's his M.O.: transmutations."

"That would account for Tina the troll and Chip… off the old block," said Garrett, apparently running a little dry on wit, for once in a way.

"But who would have summoned him?" asked Roland. "And why?"

Kylie produced a flyer from somewhere about her person - the flyer advertising the frat party Wanda was so keen on - and said, "Let's just say I got a hunch."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Hey." Eduardo, sitting alone at the bar in the Star Bright coffee house, caught the attention of a middle-aged waitress. "Is Wanda in yet?"

"She was _supposed_ to be here ten minutes ago," the waitress said irritably.

"I'll wait," said Eduardo.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Kylie, Garrett and Roland cautiously entered the fraternity house, proton guns poised.

"Awful quiet for a party," said Kylie.

They ventured further inside, following the PKE trail to another door. Garrett turned his chair round and slammed the back of it into the door, which opened without protest.

"Where is everybody?" asked Roland.

"You sure we have the right address?" added Garrett.

Kylie nodded. "I'm sure. Only I think someone beat us here."

An anguished squeaking sound caught their attention. Looking around, they noticed that one corner of the room was crawling with rats.

"Mm," said Garrett. "Not your usual frat rats."

"PKE is hot," said Roland. "Same reading as Tina _and_ Chip."

It was a bit difficult to know what to do next - but at that moment another door burst open and Wanda, Celine and Bess entered. But they didn't come in on foot. They were levitating, their feet dangling inches above the ground.

"They wouldn't let us in," Wanda said sinisterly, as she and her two friends advanced upon the three Ghostbusters. "So they had to be punished."

"What do you say, Kylie?" asked Celine. "Ready to join the fun?"

Kylie, with her proton pistol poised, exclaimed angrily, "Surnunos is only using you! He's dangerous!"

"Look," said Garrett, also poised to shoot, "we don't want to hurt you, but we'll do whatever it takes to stop him."

"Stop this, roller boy," sneered Wanda, and her eyes glowed with silver lightning. She shot this directly at Garrett, sending him reeling back with a cry of pain and alarm.

"I'm warning you," said Roland. "Stay back!"

With these words, he let out a stream of proton fire from his gun. Bess, Wanda and Celine all floated quickly out of its path, and then Wanda sent Roland crashing to the floor with another bout of lightning from her eyes. Kylie got ready to take up the attack, but Wanda swung a lightning gaze onto her proton pistol and blasted it from her hands.

"Last chance, Kylie," she said. "Come with us. The power can be yours."

Kylie shook her head desperately. "You don't understand, Wanda. You can't trust Surnunos!"

Wanda scowled at her. "Come on, girls," she said tartly. "Kylie's not worthy. We'll just have to find someone else."

Wanda and Celine, still floating in midair, turned round and headed for the exit. Bess looked reluctant for a moment, but quickly followed. Kylie made to go after them, but Wanda turned in the doorway to reveal that there was fire in her eyes, which she threw into Kylie's path. The flames spread unnaturally fast, leaving Kylie still with an exit behind her, but blocking her path to the trio of witches.

Kylie turned round, gazed down at Roland and Garrett's unconscious forms, and then turned a wearied look onto the party of anguished brown rats.

"I don't suppose any o' you big, strong frat guys wanna help me carry my buddies out to the car?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Why am I wasting my time?" muttered Eduardo, making to stand up, but then voices coming from the stairway entrance caught his attention.

"Quit whining, Bess," said Wanda, appearing with her two friends at the bottom of the stairs.

"I still think we should talk to Kylie," argued Bess. "She may know something about Surnunos that we don't."

"Wanda?" said Eduardo, smiling and waving as Wanda turned her head.

"Ugh," muttered Wanda, turning back towards the stairs. "I'm outta here."

"Wait, not so fast," said Celine. "Surnunos said we needed a fourth."

Wanda raised her eyebrows, catching on straightaway. "And as a Ghostbuster," she said, "he _must_ be a believer."

"But," said Bess, "he's a guy."

"Nobody's perfect," said Wanda, giving a subtle little tribute to _Some Like It Hot_, and approached Eduardo with a sickly smile on her face. "Eduardo. I'm so glad you came."

"Really?" asked Eduardo, sounding faintly surprised.

"You're free, right?" Wanda went on. "You're not booked up for the evening?"

"No!" said Eduardo, perhaps a little too quickly. "My schedule is wide open. So. Whadda you got in mind?"

Wanda laughed suggestively, and began walking back towards the staircase that led up to the street outside. Celine followed her up, with Eduardo hot on her heels.

"Hey, Bess!" Celine called down. "You coming?"

"Hey…" said Bess, grabbing Eduardo's sleeve and pulling him back down.

Eduardo raised his eyebrows. "Are you ok?"

Bess sighed heavily. "Oh, I don't know. Just maybe… maybe you shouldn't."

"What?" Eduardo frowned slightly. "Why not?"

"You're a friend of Kylie's, aren't you? Do you happen to know anything about a being called - "

"Hey, Casanova!" Celine's abrasive tones called down the stairs. "You wanna take a shot at this woman or what?"

Bess sighed again and, dropping her gaze, said quietly, "Do you?"

"You're _not_ ok, are you?"

"Come on," said Bess, beginning to ascend the stairs. "Let's go."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eduardo found himself standing on a roof in the middle of a lightning storm with these three slightly eccentric women. Looking dubiously at the sky, he said, "The ambience is a little lacking, but I gotta say I like the view."

Neither Wanda, Celine nor Bess answered him. Instead they sat down in a circle, and Wanda said coldly to Eduardo, "Sit."

"Don't you have to say Simon says first?" Eduardo said dryly, but then saw that Wanda was in no mood for jokes, and so sat down to complete the circle.

"Join hands," ordered Wanda.

Eduardo looked at Celine, and said, "Ok, after a couple of minutes, you wanna make yourself scarce so Wanda and I can - "

"Shut." Celine smacked Eduardo on the forehead. "Up."

The lightning increased in strength and volume, and dark clouds began to swirl above their heads. Looking up, beginning to panic now, Eduardo said desperately, "Maybe we could play Twister instead."

Wanda and Celine each grabbed one of his hands, and a shock of electricity went through them all.

"Ow!" exclaimed Eduardo. "What is this, some kind o' joke?"

"You found a fourth believer!" cried Surnunos, appearing in the air above them. "The circle is now complete."

"Hey, who invited the Wizard of Oz?" Eduardo said frantically.

"The power is ours!" proclaimed Wanda, releasing her hands from the circle and raising her arms in triumph.

"_O contraire_, my dear," Surnunos said gravely. "The power is mine. You have brought me into your world, and now" - his face began to change from grey to an obtrusive orange as it transformed into the visage of a monster - "you will serve me."

Eduardo watched in open-mouthed horror as Surnunos turned his power onto each of the three women in turn. He transformed Bess into a troll exactly like the one Tina had become; Celine's body became that of a tree, and Wanda was turned into an oversized brown rat.

"Ewwwww!" exclaimed Eduardo, reeling back.

"Let the punishment fit the crime," intoned Surnunos.

"Ah - I'm outta here!" cried Eduardo.

Surnunos turned as Eduardo sprinted away, and sent a few bolts of lightning after him, but quickly lost interest when the running figure disappeared inside the building. Instead of taking pot-shots at the absent member of his circle, Surnunos turned his attention to the city below and all around him, cackling madly.

"Let this world bow before the might of Surnunos," he said grandly, as thunder and lightning continued to crash above his head, and above New York City.

_To be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

_Extreme Ghostbusters Apocrypha: _**Witchy Woman**

Part 2

"Take is easy," said Egon, as he gradually came into focus.

Roland, blinking rapidly, sat up in the bed somebody had put him in and said vaguely, "Ohh… what happened?"

Kylie was there, as well as Garrett, who said, "Guess I'm not as sound a sleeper as you are," apparently feeling the need to explain why he was up and about before Roland.

"You're lucky Surnunos is looking for converts, not corpses," said Egon, "or we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"So we're safe as long as Wanda and her friends don't find a fourth," Kylie surmised.

"I found him!" Eduardo announced, as he burst dramatically into the room. "I found the big ugly that messed up Chip and Tina. His name is Surnunos. Wanda, Celine and Bess summoned him. They got a fourth believer to complete their circle."

"Really," Kylie said tightly, scowling at Eduardo. "Who would be _stupid_ enough to do that?"

Eduardo looked momentarily taken aback, and then said awkwardly, "A, uh, hapless victim who was led astray, and who managed to escape by the skin of his teeth? Or… or hers."

"Well," said Egon, cutting Kylie off before she could retaliate, "you four had better go and deal with him."

Kylie spent a few more moments boring her gaze into Eduardo, and then turned and began making for the nearest exit. Garrett, Roland and Eduardo followed, as did Egon, but he stopped when he reached Janine at the reception desk.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"We're dealing with a being call Surnunos," said Egon. "It would seem that he has crossed completely into our world - we can only hope now that the team can handle him."

"I'm sure they can," said Janine.

"Oh, I expect so."

"Egon…"

"Yes, Janine?"

"What if they can't?"

"It would interest me to find out," said Egon, "although of course I hope we shan't have to. There are no records of Surnunos crossing over from his own dimension - the most we know at the moment is that he specialises in transmutations."

"So," said Janine, "if he succeeds… everybody's going to get turned into something?"

"Well," said Egon, "perhaps we should assume that there's more to it than that."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Can you stop glaring at me like that?" Eduardo said hotly.

Kylie turned her head to look out of the window.

"Haven't you ever made a mistake?" he added.

They were in the Ecto-1, with Garrett in the back as usual, politely ignoring the argument. Roland was in the driving seat, beside Eduardo, looking rather uncomfortable.

"So what exactly were you doing all that time - sitting around waiting for her?" asked Kylie, looking at Eduardo again. "If you'd stayed with us, you would have known they were dangerous."

"Kylie, I was working all day, and I had to spend all last night writing that stupid paper - I was just trying to relax."

"By picking up girls?"

"It's allowed."

"But I don't understand why you _did it_!" yelled Kylie. "Let's just say you _are_ stupid enough not to realise Wanda wasn't interested, and you really believed she wanted to spend time with you. At what point did you think there might be more to it than met the eye? Was it before or after Surnunos showed up?"

"All right, I'm an idiot, I get it," said Eduardo.

"Y'know, if that paper was so stupid, why _did_ you ask for my help?"

"Does that really matter now?"

"A thank you would have been nice."

"Guys," said Roland. "This isn't helping anyone."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The Ecto-1 pulled up outside the building where Surnunos had been summoned, and the four Ghostbusters piled out of the car.

"On the roof," said Eduardo, pointing as though he thought his colleagues might not know where the roof was, or they hadn't noticed the severe lightning storm in its general direction.

Meanwhile, up on the roof, Surnunos was at once aware of the new arrivals. He stopped whatever he had been doing in the time it took Eduardo to fetch his three colleagues, and laughed evilly to himself. He lifted his hand and gathered up Wanda, Celine and Bess - still in their transfigured forms - in a magical force field. He lifted them, and lowered them slowly over the side of the building until they were on ground level.

"More servants for the supreme master," said Celine, in the form of the tree, as she floated down into the four Ghostbusters' line of vision.

"All must worship him," added the Bess-troll.

Roland responded with a stupid question: "What happened to them?"

"Surnunos zapped them," Eduardo gave the obvious answer. "Said something about, the punishment fitting the crime."

Garrett said nothing, but aimed his proton gun at the three transfigured witches.

"No!" said Kylie. "The proton streams could hurt them. It's Surnunos we want."

"Then you shall have your request," intoned Wanda, her rat face spreading into an evil grin as she caught the four Ghostbusters in a magical force field from her eyes. She, Celine and Bess then began floating up to the roof, and as Wanda moved the Ghostbusters rose up with her. She dumped them on the roof, where Surnunos surveyed them with interest.

"Bow before your master," he ordered.

"Master this," said Garrett, once again un-holstering his proton gun.

Of course Surnunos wasn't going to let him get away with that, and so caught the Ghostbusters in one of his magical force fields - although for some reason he left Roland out of it. Roland sat there stupidly for a few moments while sparks began to fly noisily off his three colleagues' proton guns.

"We're shutting out!" exclaimed Kylie.

"Your little toys are useless before my supreme power," said Surnunos.

Roland woke up at that point, and approached Surnunos, saying, "Oh, yak yak yak." He shot at Surnunos, causing him to break his hold on the Ghostbusters and struggle in the proton stream.

"Kylie!" yelled Roland. "The trap!"

Kylie threw down the trap and opened it but, rather disappointingly, Surnunos was not sucked inside.

"It's no good!" she cried. "The containment vortex is fried!"

"Hey," said Garrett, and nodded towards where Wanda, Celine and Bess were caught in yet another force field. "Check out Mo, Larry and Ugly."

Inside the force field, the trio kept changing from their transfigured forms to human, and back again. In between transformations, they were crying out, "Help us!"

"The proton stream must be draining his power!" said Kylie.

"There's no way to pull him in!" Eduardo reminded everyone.

"Maybe," Roland said calmly, "there's a way to create a containment vortex of our own."

"How?" asked Garrett.

"By recreating the energy field that gave Surnunos his power in the first place."

"Roland's right," said Kylie. "Form the circle around the trap."

"Don't listen to them, girls!" cried Surnunos, still struggling in Roland's proton stream.

"Join hands!" said Bess.

"No!" wailed Wanda, still constantly changing from rat to human and back again. "We'll lose the power forever!"

"Do it," Bess said sternly.

"No!" wailed Wanda, and suddenly the force field around them disappeared with a bang.

"Very good, girls," Surnunos said approvingly. "Now do something about that gun, and I promise - the power will be yours!"

Wanda and Celine, now stuck in the form of the rat and tree again, turned their eyes onto the four Ghostbusters. Wanda shot Garrett and Kylie's weapons from their hands, while Celine's lightning knocked Roland and Eduardo to the floor. Caught in the magical force field, Roland's gun began to spurt sparks as the others had done. Surnunos, now free from the proton stream, rose up and cackled triumphantly.

"And now you will serve me!" he proclaimed.

Kylie stooped and picked up her proton gun. "Leave us alone, you crazy freak!"

"You cannot defeat me."

"Where's this unlimited power you promised them, huh?" demanded Garrett. Then, looking at Wanda and Celine, he said, "He lied to you! Form the circle now!"

"Your weapons are useless," said Celine.

Garrett looked down at the gun in his hand, and then tried the trigger. The gun gave a feeble little cough, like an engine trying to start, and then gave up completely.

"Oh, beautiful!" he cried, aghast.

"Come on." Kylie grabbed the back of Garrett's chair, and started pulling him towards the doorway into the building.

Garrett quickly took control of the chair himself, and soon the four Ghostbusters were all piling into the stairwell. Garrett looked ready to hurl himself down to the lower levels of the building, but Roland put a restraining hand on his shoulder.

"I doubt we'll outrun him," he said.

"You won't," said someone, and they all turned to see Bess - in human form - ducking into the stairwell. "Just stay here for a few minutes. I'll bet Surnunos is eager to enslave the rest of the city - he won't waste his time chasing you."

"If he has any sense he'll want to keep us away from Celine and Wanda," said Kylie. "Still, we have half the circle - that's a start."

"Right," said Garrett. "The way he was objecting, it has to work. We'll need working weapons first, though, obviously."

"Why aren't you a troll anymore?" asked Roland.

"Oh, I don't know," said Bess. "I guess maybe it's because I resisted his influence or something?"

"Bess," said Eduardo, taking her arm and leading her down the stairs a little way. "Are you ok?"

She shrugged. "I suppose."

"I wish you would have told me."

"I'm sorry. Oh, I feel so stupid!"

Eduardo smiled slightly. "Yeah, me too."

"And all because I liked a guy. I gave him a free biscotti and everything - I feel like such an idiot."

"What guy?"

Bess coloured slightly as she said, "Chip."

"Oh," said Eduardo. "Y'know, Bess… guys like him are a dime a dozen."

Kylie opened her mouth and stared indignantly.

"Look," Eduardo went on, "I know this isn't the best time and all, but… after this is all over, maybe we could still get together for a coffee?"

Bess brightened visibly at these words, and said, "Got a pen? I'll give you my number."

"What do you suppose prompted that?" murmured Roland.

"Change of heart?" Garrett said dryly.

Kylie shook her head firmly, her eyes narrowed on Eduardo and Bess. "Free biscotti."

Garrett raised his eyebrows. "Oh, you think so, huh?"

"Of course I _think so_."

"Well," said Garrett, "I guess Eddie has to get his biscotti from somewhere, since you're so unwilling to share _your_ biscotti, Ky. Y'know, I'll just bet he was wishing he had some biscotti when he met that demon a while back and got himself stuck inside your cat."

"We're wasting time!" Kylie exclaimed suddenly. "Come on - we have to get these weapons fixed," and she charged downstairs, pushing her way past Eduardo and Bess and forcing them apart as she did so.

"Kylie, are you ok?" Bess asked timidly.

"No," said Kylie, swinging round and staring up at Bess. "I'm furious! It didn't need to go this far! You should have listened to me, and _you_" - she pointed an accusing finger at Eduardo - "are just… impossible!"

With that, she turned and resumed making her way down the stairs. Bess, Eduardo, Garrett and Roland spent a few moments staring after her, and then began to follow, Roland making sure to keep a firm hold on the back of Garrett's chair.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"This is looking bad," remarked Egon, sitting at his desk and studying his PKE meter with a grave expression.

"I don't need a PKE meter to tell me that," said Janine, who was watching the rapidly spreading thunderstorm through the window. "Egon, do you suppose they're all right?"

"Perhaps we'd better try contacting them."

"Perhaps we'd better." Janine made her way over to her desk and picked up the two-way radio. "Ghostbusters, can you hear me? Somebody please respond."

The radio crackled for a few seconds, and then Roland's voice buzzed out of the speaker: "Janine, I'm sorry, we should have contacted you. We haven't been able to defeat Surnunos just yet. We sort of have a plan, but first we'll need Egon to try and fix our weapons."

Egon started. "_What_?"

"In the meantime," Roland went on, "we just need to try and avoid being transfigured and enslaved."

"Actually it's more serious than that now," Kylie's voice broke in. "Remember what you were saying earlier about corpses, Egon? Surnunos is _not_ happy with us."

"Are _you_ guys ok?" added Roland.

"Oh, yeah, sure - no complaints here," said Janine.

"Good," said Roland. "See you in a few minutes, then."

" 'Sort of got a plan'," Egon said dryly, as Janine crossed the room to him. "That sounds rather dubious to me."

"Egon," said Janine. "You know I love you, don't you?"

Egon smiled at her. "I love you too, Janine."

"Good." She nodded, sounding somewhat vague. "Good."

"I don't think we need to start saying our goodbyes, Janine, if that's what you're thinking. We've dealt with worse than Surnunos before, and we can only hope this problem with the weapons isn't too difficult to fix."

"Oh, I'm sure we'll muddle through like we usually do," said Janine. "And after we do, Egon… I wonder if…. well, I wonder if you might consider marrying me."

Egon looked up in surprise, and said nothing.

"Just think about it," said Janine, looking away awkwardly.

"Janine, I don't need to think about it." Egon stood up and took her hands. "Of course I'll marry you."

At these words, Janine's face broke into a smile. She flung her arms around Egon's neck and began to kiss him.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Mom-meeeee." A pyjama-clad little boy wandered into his parents' bedroom, where his mother and father were climbing into bed. "There's a talking tree and a giant rat outside my window."

"What?" said his mother. "Don't be silly, honey - you were having a bad dream."

"Go back to bed," snapped his father.

"Come on," the boy's mother said, and took her son's hand. "There's nothing out of the ordinary outside your window - I'll show you."

As they reached the doorway, however, they were thrown back by an explosion of silver light, and suddenly Surnunos was in the room. The boy's eyes widened with excitement as his mother screamed, and wrapped her arms around him.

"Get out of my house!" her husband fumed, jumping out of bed. "Get out now or I'll call the police!"

"All shall serve me," intoned Surnunos.

The room exploded with silver light again, and the family of three were instantly transformed into heavily armed skeleton warriors.

"Go," said Surnunos. "Join my army. Invade the stronghold of my enemies."

The three skeletons all stood to attention, and then clattered out onto the street. Here they fell into step alongside dozens of other skeletons, all marching through the suburban neighbourhood, carrying various weapons in their hands. Surnunos fazed through the roof of the house, and watched the progress of his army with a smile of deep satisfaction.

"Now then, slaves," he said, looking down to where Wanda and Celine were waiting for him. "Have we enough warriors yet?"

"There can never be enough warriors," intoned Celine.

"That is quite correct," said Surnunos. "Come, then - to the next street. And the next - and the next!" and he cackled sinisterly to emphasise his point.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Egon and Janine were locked in a kiss when the four Ghostbusters entered the building, with Bess in tow.

"Eww, get a room," said Garrett.

"Oh, there you are," said Egon, breaking away from Janine. "Well, I have to say it's fortunate that Surnunos is reputed not to kill without provocation - if he did, a lot of lives would be in danger about now."

"Yeah, well, he's only after ours," said Kylie, unhooking her proton pistol and handing it to Egon. "If you can fix at least one gun, we think we can trap Surnunos _if_ we can recreate the circle. Bess and Eduardo are here, as you can see, so we'll need Wanda and Celine so I guess we'll need to get out there after them. I don't think Surnunos is stupid enough to bring them to us. Do I have time to take a shower? I feel really… _stressed_."

"I daresay," said Egon.

Kylie stalked off while Eduardo, Roland and Garrett took their proton packs to Egon.

"I'll work on one of them, as Kylie suggested," he said. "It _should_ be enough."

"Hey," said Janine, grabbing Eduardo's elbow and taking him to one side. "Am I to understand that it didn't go so well?"

"I thought she was beginning to show some interest," said Eduardo, "but it turns out she just wanted me to complete their circle. Bess gave me her number, though," he added brightly.

Janine looked at Bess, who had started having a conversation with Egon.

"Fascinating," the latter was saying, though he didn't take his eyes from the innards of the proton pack he was working on. "I'm sure that your resisting him had a lot to do with it - but I'm equally sure that the proton stream he was caught in was largely responsible."

"Can I get you anything, Bess?" asked Roland. "Something to eat or drink?"

"Well," said Bess, "a coffee would be nice, if… if you're sure you don't mind."

"Let's _all_ go get some coffee," Garrett said brightly. "It seems a little lame, with Surnunos out there enslaving the city, but we might as well do something while we're waiting for our proton pack."

"Um, I think I'll pass," said Eduardo. "I wanna see if I can grab a shower after Kylie."

"Ok," said Roland, which was the most response anyone gave - although Bess threw him a little look over her shoulder as she ascended the stairs with Garrett, Roland and Janine.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Kylie emerged from the bathroom fully clothed and towelling her hair dry as she walked, but she stopped when she saw Eduardo. She dropped her arms (along with the towel) to her sides, and looked challengingly at him.

"Is this how it's gonna be from now on?" he asked.

"I don't know what you mean," said Kylie.

"We still have to work together, Kylie."

She carried on walking, saying as she passed him, "You should be struck off."

Scowling, Eduardo turned round and asked the back of her head, "For what - getting another girl's phone number?"

She whipped round sharply. "_What_?"

"Look, I made a mistake and I'm sorry. And I _am_ grateful for your help with that paper - if it wasn't for you then I probably would have never gotten it done. So thank you. And." He took a deep breath. "I might as well tell you that I - "

Suddenly a loud banging noise shook the entire building, and both of them looked sharply in the direction of the sound.

"What was that?" exclaimed Kylie, throwing her towel to one side.

They both sprinted to the foyer, where the sound had come from, and heard that somebody or something was attacking the large double doors that existed for the benefit of the Ecto-1. Moments later they were joined by Roland, Garrett, Janine and Bess - then Egon walked in, with a proton pack strapped to his back, just in time to see a skeleton force open the smaller entrance to the building. This skeleton then advanced towards them all, wielding a nasty looking kitchen knife.

Bess, Janine and the four younger Ghostbusters began to back away. Egon, on the other hand, seemed confident that his proton pack would work, for he pulled the trigger - and sure enough, a proton stream singed the skeleton's hand. It dropped its knife, hesitated a moment, and then sensibly retreated towards the exit.

"There's dozens of them!" Garrett realised, as the large zombie-like assault of skeletons came into view through the open door.

"It's the Army of the Dead!" Egon cried incredulously.

"No!" Roland was studying his PKE meter. "I'm getting the same readings that we got from Tina and Chip. Those are people that have been transfigured by Surnunos!"

"Shut that door!" ordered Egon, and at once the four Ghostbusters all lunged forwards. "Barricade it! Use whatever you can! We have to avoid facing them. If they get in, there _will_ be deaths - ours, or dozens of innocent people if we want to save ourselves."

"Or both," said Janine, beginning to push a large filing cabinet towards the door. "Egon, isn't there _some_ way we can incapacitate them?"

"Dr. Spengler!" Bess grabbed Egon's arm. "Eduardo and I _have_ to get to Surnunos, and complete the circle with Celine and Wanda."

Egon nodded. "This proton pack needs to get there too, and so does a trap, and somebody to use them. I think only you two and one other person should go - those skeletons will be reluctant to let anyone leave, and we don't want to attract attention. I'd like to go myself, not least because those skeletons are unlikely to be after _me_ as Surnunos and I have never met - but that means asking something very big of the rest of you."

"Name it," said Roland.

All the time they talked, they were confronted with the terrifying sound of more and more skeletons attempting to break down the heavily barricaded doors.

"If we're spotted leaving by any of those things," said Egon, raising the volume of his voice as the noise level increased, "some or possibly _all_ of you will have to distract them so that we can make a clean getaway."

"No problem," Garrett said breezily. "But how will you get away? You'll need a car or something, surely, and there's no way of getting the Ecto-1 or Roland's Mustang out of here without letting those things in."

"We'll have to steal one," said Egon. "I can easily hotwire it. It appears that most of the local people are now enslaved skeleton warriors - I don't think whoever owns the vehicle will miss it. We'll have to climb out of a window at the back and break into the first car we see. Hopefully then my PKE meter can take us to Surnunos and Bess's friends."

"Oh, Egon, I like your style!" Janine approved.

"Come on." Egon nodded to Eduardo and Bess. "There's no time to lose."

They all moved to the back of the building, which fortunately had not yet been discovered by the skeleton army.

"Lock all the ground level windows after we're gone," said Egon, "and then work your way up. If they get in, move up to the next level and barricade yourselves in, but _make sure you have access to the stairs_. Hopefully we'll have dealt with Surnunos by the time you reach the roof. If they follow you there, I'm afraid you're going to have to use force."

"So take weapons," added Eduardo, looking straight at Kylie. "I don't wanna come back here and find you dead."

"Try to watch our progress," said Egon. "If one or two skeletons follow us, I don't want to have to yell for fear of attracting the attention of the others. Come on, you two."

Egon climbed through the window, and Bess began to follow him.

"Eduardo." Kylie grabbed Eduardo's sleeve as he began to turn away. "Good luck."

Eduardo blinked expressionlessly at her. "Thanks."

"And… be careful."

Eduardo just stared at her for a moment. Then suddenly he grabbed Kylie's face in both hands, kissed her, and then pulled away and was out of the window before she had time to react.

"I'm sorry, Bess," he said quietly, as Egon began to lead them around to the side of the building.

Kylie spent a few moments in a state of catatonia, staring blankly ahead of her. Garrett and Roland were staring too, and then Garrett opened his mouth as though to say something - but Roland stopped him with a light slap on the arm.

"Come on," Janine said briskly, and led them through to the foyer.

They all crowded around the nearest window and watched as Egon, Eduardo and Bess slunk towards a conveniently parked Ford Sierra that was just yards away from the firehouse. A few skeletons caught sight of the faces in the window, and began making their way over. They tapped feebly at the glass with their weapons, grinning madly at their would-be victims.

"Get out of the way!" yelled Janine, standing on tiptoe and trying to see over their heads.

Kylie had no hope of making herself taller than the skeletons, so she ducked down and squinted between their ribs. Then suddenly she gasped, and said, "They've been seen."

She ran over to a window in the side of the building, flung it open and clambered out. She then sprinted out onto the street, stood hesitating for a moment and finally hurled her PKE meter at the head of the single skeleton that had spotted Egon, Eduardo and Bess.

"HEY!" she yelled. "Over here!"

Instantly a dozen or more skeletons - including the one she had wanted to distract - were advancing on her. She turned and ran, just catching sight of Eduardo as he looked about to go after her. Bess held him back, however, as Egon smashed the driver's side window of the Ford with the barrel of his proton gun. He reached in, unlocked the doors and they all piled inside. Inevitably, some of the skeletons had heard the window breaking and were looking in their direction.

"Get down on the floor before they see you," ordered Egon, as he began attempting to hotwire the car. "They'll know who they're after, and it isn't me. In fact if you stay down there, we might just make it all the way without too much trouble."

The car spluttered into life just as a particularly curious skeleton came and started peering through the broken window. Egon drove off, leaving it standing there with a face full of exhaust fumes.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Roland and Janine pulled Kylie through the window just in time for her to avoid a meat cleaver to the ankles. As Kylie attempted to fall without hurting herself, Garrett hurried over and helped Roland and Janine to slam the window shut. They caught the skeleton's hands, and it showed no sign of wanting them back until Garrett slammed the side of his wheelchair into its fingers. Once the window was completely shut, Janine locked it just as twenty-odd skeletons approached and began trying to gain entry.

"I hate just sitting in here hiding from them," complained Garrett.

"You should get up to the next level now, Garrett," said Kylie, as Roland helped her to her feet. "Once they get in here, I'd call that an emergency, and you should never use an elevator in an emergency."

Garrett looked about to protest, but then Roland said, "Do it, Garrett - she's absolutely right." Then, looking at Kylie, he asked, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Egon didn't say anything about charging out there alone, Kylie."

"Well, where's the sense in all of us risking our lives? It was only one lousy skeleton that spotted them - and not to be rude, but I think I'm the only one of us who wasn't going to have any trouble with that window. Two of us would have never made it back in time."

There was no time for anyone to answer. They all turned round sharply at the sound of cracking wood, and saw that three skeletons were already beginning to get through the door. One of them had an axe, but it didn't have the door quite open yet. The barricades of desks and file cabinets should hold them off for a while, but probably not for long.

"They're almost in!" Janine stated the obvious. "Garrett, get in that elevator _now_!"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Eduardo and Bess remained crouched on the floor in the back of the car, their bodies moulded into each other, while Egon ploughed through skeleton warrior after skeleton warrior.

"What happened to making it all the way without too much trouble?" asked Eduardo.

"And what happened to not hurting them?" added Bess.

"Well," said Egon, "unfortunately some of these people are going to suffer a few minor injuries - it really can't be helped if we're going to reach Surnunos any time soon."

"Is it really worth us crouching down here?" asked Eduardo. "Those skeleton dudes obviously know we're here."

"Not all of them," said Egon, knocking another unfortunate skeleton to the ground. "Stay down there, whatever you do. If you show yourselves, it'll be ten times worse."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Garrett, Roland and Janine pushed every desk, chair and table they could find in front of the door. Slimer was now apparently up to speed with the situation as well, and was vainly trying to lug a cabinet twenty times his size across the room.

"Kylie," panted Roland, struggling with a heavy bookcase. "A little help?"

"I'm taking ghost traps up to the roof," announced Kylie, as she wandered in from the kitchen with a trap she had evidently found lying around in there. "We can't very well use armchairs and cabinets up there, but we're going to need _something_ to hold those skeletons off. I thought we could surround ourselves with open traps - it should definitely make them reluctant to get near us."

"That _sounds_ good," said Garrett. "But won't they just be sucked inside? We can't risk having transfigured people in traps when Surnunos is defeated."

"If that happens we'll just have to let them out and rely on brute force," said Kylie, sounding extremely nervous of the impending situation. "I'm going to take some sharp knives up there as well, and our proton guns. They may not be working, but they're certainly heavy enough to crack a few skulls with."

"Ssh!" Roland hissed urgently, as some sound or other caught his ear, and they heard the clattering footsteps of no more than two or three skeletons ascending the stairs. "Well, it sounds like they've only just found the stairs."

"Well, we've got one level left before the roof," said Janine. "Everybody grab some weapons and then get up - "

She stopped abruptly as a skeleton head suddenly appeared through the floor, its weapon - a hefty looking crowbar - tucked under its arm.

"It's figured out how to climb the pole!" exclaimed Roland.

"Why are we surprised?" muttered Kylie, going over to the skeleton and smacking it on the head with the ghost trap she was carrying, thereby sending it falling to ground below.

"Kylie, you and I had better get some furniture over that hole," said Janine. "You guys go upstairs and do the same on the next level."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"There's Surnunos!" Egon announced, bringing the car to a screeching halt.

Surnunos was there indeed, transfiguring more people into skeleton warriors, and laughing evilly as they all marched out of their houses. Squinting through the windscreen, Egon saw that Wanda the rat and Celine the tree were nearby.

"I'm going to get you as close as I can," he said. "I'll get Surnunos in a proton stream - that should debilitate him as it did last time, and maybe it'll even stop the skeletons from bothering you too much."

"Oh, good," muttered Eduardo.

"Grab those two and form the circle around the trap. After that…" - he took a deep breath - "it should be smooth sailing."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Was… this… really… such… a… good… idea?" panted Roland, as he pulled a chest of drawers up onto the roof.

"Well, what was the alternative?" asked Janine, as she emerged from the doorway, pushing the other end of the drawers. "Hotwiring another car and trying to outrun them? It wouldn't have worked."

Kylie and Garrett were already on the roof, the latter arranging a circle of ghost traps while Kylie heaved a small bookcase closer to the door.

"Do we have time to go down and fetch anything else?" she asked.

"Doubt it," said Janine. "A couple of them have figured out that the pole's the best bet. This is it now, guys - we'll just have to wait it out."

Nodding, Kylie and Roland pushed their respective items of furniture in front of the door. It looked a pretty flimsy defence, but it would have to do.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Egon wasted no time in jumping out of the car and catching Surnunos in a proton stream.

"What?" Surnunos cried, staring down at Egon in surprise. "Another one? Did your friends not tell you that your silly little toys are useless?"

Bess scrambled out of the car, followed by Eduardo, and both of them stood stiffly for a moment as their bodies adjusted to not being hunched on the floor of a family vehicle.

"Look!" exclaimed Bess, pointing towards where the majority of skeleton warriors had been marching, but were now all suspended in a silver force field.

"That _does_ make things easier," remarked Eduardo, looking around for Celine and Wanda. Then, pointing to another force field, he said, "There they are. Come on!"

Eduardo and Bess sprinted towards where Wanda and Celine were engulfed in Surnunos' silver lightning, and stepped into it with them.

"Wanda," Bess said heavily. "Celine. Join. Hands."

"But… but the power!" wailed Wanda.

"What power?" cried Bess. "He's been making skeleton warriors specifically to kill Eduardo's friends! You're his slaves! He's _never_ going to give you the power he promised!"

"But - "

"Do it!"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"This is it," breathed Roland, as the bookcase splintered and the chest of drawers was heaved out of the way by three skeleton warriors. "I'm sure this won't be good for our eyes, you know."

Roland, Kylie, Janine and Garrett were standing (or, in Garrett's case, sitting) in a circle, backs in, surrounded by ghost traps. Each was wearing a proton pack and wielding some kind of sharp kitchen utensil.

"We have no choice," said Kylie, and began to open the traps one by one.

The all squinted against the blinding light, and raised their hands to their eyes, trying to keep track of what the skeleton warriors were doing whilst also attempting not to lose their eyesight. Most of the skeletons held back when they got too close to the traps, but some kept advancing.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"What? No!" Surnunos stared as Wanda and Celine joined hands with Eduardo and Bess. "You've made a mistake, girls. Don't you remember? Unlimited power! I'll give you everything!"

"Don't listen to him!" Egon yelled over the noise of his proton stream.

"And who are you calling 'girls', anyway?" added Eduardo.

"I'll give you everything! _Everything_!" wailed Surnunos, as he was sucked down into the open ghost trap. "Don't do this to me!"

The trap closed, and Surnunos was gone.

"Is… is it over?" Celine, now in human form, asked shakily.

Bess let out a long, loud sigh. "We never should have trusted him."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Tina Bell, still gazing in her bathroom mirror after all this time, broke into a smile of joy and relief as her ugly visage melted away to reveal her own beautiful face. On the campus football field, the Chip tree shrunk back into an overconfident jock, while the rats in the fraternity house grew into the forms of the party-goers.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Garrett and Janine cried out as one of the traps nearest to them was kicked to one side. But they weren't fazed for long. Both tightened their grips on their respective pieces of cutlery, and raised their proton guns ready to strike.

Then suddenly, the skeletons stopped advancing. They all froze, dropped their weapons and began to metamorphose into human form. Suddenly Janine, Roland, Kylie and Garrett were surrounded not by skeleton warriors but by dazed looking people, all asking questions like, "What's going on?" and, "How'd I get up here?"

Kylie crouched down and began to shut off the traps, while Roland asked tentatively, "Is… everybody ok?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The stolen car pulled up outside the firehouse as dozens of confused and disgruntled looking people were making their way out into the night. Egon and Eduardo both dived out of the car and began pushing their way past the people, clearly anxious to check up on the quartet they had left in the firehouse.

They were all waiting for them in the foyer. Every piece of furniture was at best dented and at worst destroyed, but that didn't matter a bit. Janine went over to Egon and hugged him tightly, while Kylie launched herself into Eduardo's arms and kissed him full on the mouth.

"Good job, Roland," Garrett said dryly, shaking Roland's hand.

"Well done, Garrett," Roland said soberly.

"Hey," said Janine, glancing over at Eduardo and Kylie's little floor show. "When shall we tell them our news?"

"Oh," said Egon, smiling slightly. "Later, I think."

Kylie pulled out of the kiss first, to ask, "How's Bess?"

"All right," said Eduardo. "She went with her friends."

"The poor girl," said Kylie. "I feel bad about her."

Eduardo smiled. "I don't," and he kissed her again, to a chorus of (very immature) whooping and cheering from Janine, Roland and Garrett.

THE END


End file.
